Of all the seasons, summer is definitely my favorite.  It’s the time of year when the cold, gray skies of winter are but a distant memory and the cool, wet ones of spring have finally given way to the warmer and brighter days of summertime.  It’s also an ideal time of year to slow down a bit to rest, reflect, have some fun, and make lasting memories.

During my childhood, summer marked the end of another school year and the start of carefree days spent at the pool or simply playing outside until the back porch light flickered on, summoning me, my sunburned shoulders and grass-stained bare feet home.

When I became a young adult, despite having to trade in my bare feet for high heels, summer still maintained its luster and in that season of my life I delighted in weekend trips to the beach, outdoor festivals and concerts, and the promise of sunlit dinners on the deck after a full day in the office.

I came to appreciate summer all the more once our children came along and I was given the chance to experience it through their eyes.  Nights devoted to catching and releasing the lightening bugs that lit up our back yard and afternoons spent cooling off in the sprinkler allowed me to rediscover the magic of my youth.  The more laid back atmosphere of summer also gave me permission to let go of some of my mommy inhibitions.  For example, while my children indulged in sweet treats on the back deck, instead of freaking out as I normally would while witnessing a messy situation unfold, I chose instead to sit back and allow the quickly melting ice cream or popsicles to trickle down their pudgy little arms and onto their clothing knowing I could easily hose them off outside before bringing them in for the night.

Because summer is my favorite time of year, I’ve always made the effort to savor it, enjoy it, and make the most of it.  Until the summer of 2013, that is, when I unexpectedly found myself at the crossroads of midlife and crisis.  An experience that marked the start of my two-year breast cancer journey.  A journey that not only stole my summer that year, but knocked me off course, set me adrift, and adversely affected my summers to follow.

I still love summertime; however, my enthusiasm for the season has waned in the aftermath of my journey.  And it’s high time I do something about it.    So I’ve decided to begin by embarking upon a quest to reclaim my stolen summer.  A quest involving three goals:

Goal #1: Regroup

After enjoying a 10-year run as a stay-at-home mom, the year leading up to the summer of 2013 marked my return to the workforce when I accepted a job at my children’s school.  It had been a big transition for the entire family and one that had taken a toll on our household.  As the school year came to a close, I looked forward to a much-needed break to catch up on all that had been set aside during the school year, including tackling the piles of stuff that had accumulated throughout the house over the course of the year.  Unfortunately, those plans came to a screeching halt the day I learned of my cancer diagnosis and the piles continued to grow.  Since then, changing job responsibilities led to year-round work for me, allowing for little time to catch up on the ever-growing mountains of stuff.  A circumstance that has not only affected the household, but my state of mind as well.

So Goal #1 for me in my quest to reclaim my stolen summer is to regroup.  To find a way and make the effort to set aside the necessary time to declutter, both the physical and the mental mess.  Which leads me to Goal #2…

Goal #2:  Reassess

Having left a career in the corporate world upon the birth of our first child to devote my time and energy to raising a family, my decision to re-enter the workforce the year prior to the summer of 2013 was not made lightly.  My main reason for even considering to do so was that the job allowed me to remain involved in my children’s daily lives and the work hours aligned well with our children’s school schedule.

At the completion of my first year of work I was determined to take a step back to reassess my decision to return to work and ensure my job duties continued to align well with my family’s needs.  However, those plans were shelved once cancer took center stage.  At the start of the following school year, some of my job duties shifted to accommodate my health needs.  In addition, as other needs at work arose, I took on other responsibilities more in line with my professional background.  One thing led to another, and I’ve been working year-round ever since.

While my work responsibilities have been challenging and rewarding and the income’s been much appreciated, my family and I have paid the price in other ways.  And I’ve recently come to realize that price is the result of much short-sightedness when it comes to the decisions I’ve made along the way since that ill-fated summer.

So Goal #2 for me in my quest to reclaim my stolen summer is to reassess.  To disconnect, take a break, and give myself a chance to mentally reboot.  To allow myself the time to assess where I am and determine where I’m headed.  And to be more intentional when it comes to mapping out my next steps.  To do that, I decided to take the summer off from work to give myself the margin required to contemplate the path forward.

Goal #3: Relax and Enjoy

The summer of 2013 marked an important milestone for our family, the end of our oldest’s elementary school career and the beginning of her transition into middle school.  Unfortunately, my cancer diagnosis came before our family had the chance to fully acknowledge and celebrate the fact that our family was entering a new phase in our lives.  That diagnosis also robbed me of the chance to fully enjoy and experience what at the time I didn’t realize would be my last summer off with the kids.  Having worked every summer since, I feel as though I’ve never had the chance to fully come to terms with that summer cut short, the one in which I missed out on truly appreciating that special season in our family’s life.

So Goal # 3 for me in my quest to reclaim my stolen summer, which happens to be the most important of all, is to simply relax and enjoy this summer with my family.  To revisit some of our favorite activities from years gone by, engage in new adventures, make the most of each day we are given, and create lasting memories.

The cancer diagnosis I received four years ago robbed me of many things that summer and left me with unfinished tasks, a cancelled vacation as well as shattered hopes and dreams.  While the physical scars from my cancer journey have long since healed, mental and emotional ones still fester.  And, while I thank God for each and every day He’s given me, some days have been more of a struggle than others.

I’ve long since accepted that I can never get back some of the things I was robbed of that summer.  And believe it or not, I am even thankful for the experience, for I feel I am a better person because of it.  However, I need a sense of closure to be able to heal and move on.  And so the quest begins to reclaim the summer that was stolen from me by making the most of this one.