Nestled between a stack of books and my alarm clock, a bright yellow stuffed elephant sits proudly on my nightstand. Now mind you, this is no ordinary stuffed elephant, but a rather precious gift my son bestowed upon me after “rescuing” the darling creature from a claw machine at the local bowling alley. His name is Edison. Not my son, but the elephant. A name we decided upon together since he’s as bright as a light bulb. And because this precious gift provided a bright moment during a very dark time.
Diagnosed with breast cancer a month earlier, the weeks leading up to that moment had been filled with seemingly endless tests, appointments and procedures, including the first of my six rounds of chemotherapy. With yet another consultation to attend, this one with my radiation oncologist, my husband and I asked a neighbor if she would mind watching our two children for a few hours. Not only did she agree, she graciously offered to take my children and her own on a fun outing that day.
Upon his return from that outing, my then-9-year-old son humbly offered me the gift of that elephant. A small gesture, but a precious gift nonetheless. As he excitedly shared with me the details of his day’s adventure, including the story of how he managed to extricate Edison from that claw machine, I came to appreciate more and more what a profound impact my friend’s simple act had on my family.
What my friend considered a simple act gave my children a fun and much-needed distraction to take their minds off the matter-at-hand. What my dear friend considered a small gesture gave me the peace of mind to focus on the decisions that needed to be made regarding my treatment plan knowing my children were being cared for and comforted. A small gesture I considered to be a precious gift. One that provided a bright moment during a very dark time
The road of life is filled with bumps and potholes and takes us through some pretty dark valleys. And while each of us has our own unique journey to make, the road of life is not meant to be traveled alone. We are called to love and come alongside one another as we each traverse our own individual path. And not only on the fun adventures, but through the dark times as well.
Unfortunately, many of us feel apprehensive about reaching out to others in their times of crisis. Not wanting to say or do the wrong thing, we become paralyzed by feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. If only there were some sort of roadmap to guide our way.
Fortunately, I recently discovered a helpful roadmap in Sarah Beckman’s book, Alongside: A Practical Guide for Loving Your Neighbor in their Time of Trial. As one who knows both what it is to be in need and knows first-hand what it’s like to help others as they’ve gone through difficult life experiences, Sarah offers practical advice and insights that can enable you to genuinely love and care for others who are traveling through the dark valleys along the road of life.
This is a book for anyone who wants to help, but doesn’t quite know how to help. Alongside will empower you to:
- Overcome the insecurity of doing the wrong thing
- Gain confidence to love well with tangible actions
- Discern between helpful and unhelpful words to say
- Identify the gifts you already have so you can serve more effectively
- Live out the Biblical command to love your neighbor
Based on my own personal experiences as one who has been in need and who also longs to effectively and lovingly come alongside those going through hard times, here are three insights from the book that really resonated with me:
1. It’s Not About You
What we want or need to say to or do for someone in crisis may not necessarily be what that person wants or needs. Sarah stresses the importance of keeping in mind that it’s not about you. If you put their needs first, you will likely know how to handle each situation.
2. Practical Tips
This book is filled with many practical tips, including suggestions on websites for coordinating meals and other volunteer services to quick reference lists of what to do and what not to do when interacting with those going through difficult circumstances. As an example, one that I can attest to from my own experience is “Don’t bring dishes that have to be returned” when providing meals, a simple act that can greatly minimize the stress and hassle related to the transaction.
3. Listen Well
“We often rush to actions or words when someone is suffering (or do nothing for fear of doing the wrong thing). Instead, rush to be that welcome ear, listening when most others will not” (pg. 78)
In the chapter devoted to this topic, Sarah stresses the value and importance of listening, asking open-ended questions when appropriate, and being quiet when the situation calls for not a word, but simply your presence.
These are just three of the many helpful insights this book has to offer that can give you the confidence you need to step out in faith and in love to become the hands and feet of Christ as you come alongside and love your neighbor in their time of need.
I encourage you to read this book to discover what small gestures you can make to help the ones you love when they need it most. Remember, those small gestures can be considered a precious gift. And provide a much-needed bright moment in a dark time.
